Our little one has been changing and learning already! I love to see her start to smile and begin to track movement. All she wants is to be held and near Jordan and I. She still enjoys her naps and is starting to enjoy reading with us or us talking to her. Believe it or not, she is now the size of a normal newborn. We are hoping that is up with 8 lbs at her next appointment and possibly on a normal growth chart. At this point, she has been in the negatives in growth. I am excited to see her fitting into her newborn clothes and out of preemies. We love going out to restaurants and events only to see the continuous smiles from people as we walk by.
With all of these changes, I just realize how thankful I am to be able to stay home with her and witness these milestones. Parents with older kids see me and joke, "How's your sleep?" or "Are you getting any sleep yet?" It's like we have been entered into a secret club. Everyone you see on social media acts like they have it all together with their matching bows and cute outfits for their babies. I can take these pictures all day long, but let me tell you the truth.
There isn't a day that goes by where I feel like I have it altogether at this point. We are still figuring things out. That doesn't mean I want tons of advice or people telling me what is best for my child, but it does mean that parenting and routines take time. It takes time to get bottles ready, stocking the diaper bag with the right items and adjusting how long it takes to get the entire house ready to go out somewhere. It cracks me up because I will say, "Let's go out for lunch," and Jordan knows that it means lunch in two hours.
Parenting is the greatest blessing and seeing Addliyn grow and change is a blessing. I can honestly say that I have spit up dried on my shirt on a regular occasion and there is a huge chance I smell like the pail of diapers in the other room, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Jordan asked me if I liked staying home and I answered "absolutely!" but then also said that I have to pretend and know that she appreciates me. She can't express the appreciation in words, but I see the relief on her face when I provide her needs. I can tell what she is feeling and wanting with every cry of the day.
At first, crying was continuous and sometimes frustrating because I was taking guesses of what she needed. Hungry? Dirty diaper? Wanting to be held? Needing a pacifier? Even in those moments, I knew that God would reveal her needs. At this point, I can honestly say that we know her better than anyone. It doesn't matter how many times she cries, because we know what it will take to calm her down.
Romans 8:26 says, "In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groaning." There have been so many times where I go to God in those few quiet moments and I don't know what to pray. I feel like I am rambling or repeating my prayers. I question what to pray for or how long to pray. I guess at the end of the day, it just matters that we live our lives in constant conversation with Him.
Addilyn can't speak her concerns to us, but God repeatedly identifies and knows her needs. My ultimate prayer is that she grows seeing and hearing Jordan and I go to God. Whether we go speechless or full of conversation, I just want her to see us go to Him. It is vital that Addliyn learns that God intercedes and knows our needs when we can't find the words to speak. So this period in her life may be unspoken, but I know those words will form before we know it. For now, I'll just enjoy the sweet cries, silly grunts and random smiles.